how you been?

Wassup, how you been?

It’s been a while, I’ve been a bit out of touch and a little out of focus. Between covid and PPD 2021 kinda kicked my ass just a little bit. As most of you know I ended 2020 with the birth of my 3rd child whose father I had already broken up with, the release of “The Way That I Love You” and surviving the pandemic. Honestly I’m tired of going through shit, I’m just trying to be ok.

Ok with my new life, ok with my new body, ok with my failures and achievements, just ok enough to get out of the bed, go to a job I’m not satisfied with to pay the bills at an apartment I’m no satisfied with, Are yall like me, just moving along and getting along but not really satisfied.

I mean I’m trying to stay down and follow my dreams but most days I don’t even know where to start.

Abortion…proLIFE or proCHOICE?

So recently I’ve been seeing the reports about several states who have chosen to make abortion illegal after 6 weeks gestation. I’ve also been seeing alot of women pushing back against the law, saying men shouldn’t delegate what women do with their bodies. Personally I feel the law is a bit unreasonable because in reality by the time most women realize they are pregnant the 6 weeks is up. I myself am neither proLife nor proCHOICE, my stance is rather neutral for several reasons. Reason 1 being everyone’s situation is different, and those circumstances greatly influence a woman’s decision. People can have whatever opinion they want to at the end of the day whatever decision a woman makes she has to live with it. If she terminates, she has to live with that choice. If she chooses to have her baby, SHE has to live with that choice, SHE has to care for that child and raise it. Yes I understand pregnancy is 100% preventable and etc but simply put SHIT happens and sometimes women become pregnant before they are ready, sometimes women are raped and pregnancy is a result of that violation. One night stands happen, teenagers have sex and take risks, condoms break, sometimes a woman forgets to take a her pill, on some occasions birth control fails…plenty of women have gotten pregnant on the depo shot. “What about adoption?” ? Yeah adoption is an option however some women don’t want to go through a pregnancy, then labor only to hand their baby off to strangers. Not only that not all children are adopted, not all of them go to “good homes and good people. Some women don’t even have healthcare or access to resources to know what their options are, their lifestyle doesn’t even allow for a healthy pregnancy . Like I said “shit happens” and sometimes all woman can think is “I can’t have this baby” and that’s fine. Reason #2 being is I myself have had an abortion…of course I expect some people to read this and decide to no longer support me and that’s fine. This is my truth. How can I, a woman who has terminated pregnancy tell another woman she cannot? I feel it is EVERY humans right to pursue their happiness and do what’s best for them. Sometimes you get pregnant by a man and he tells you he doesn’t want it (that same woman would probably be bashed for having the baby after the dad said he didn’t want the kid, or for having a child she couldn’t take care of without government assistance) I see people say stuff like “You don’t know who that could grow up to be” your absolutely right. That baby could grow up to be the next president, or a rapist, a thief, a crook, or any number of things and if mom aborts all those things would still come to be in the world. There would still be another president, another teacher, another rapist, another crook and etc. Like I said whatever choice a woman makes SHE has to live with it and ONLY SHE will have to live through it. Personally I’ve never felt men didn’t deserve a say so because realistically speaking we can’t have babies without them but the final decision is that of a woman. Women are the gatekeepers and unless your a seahorse all life comes forth through the woman. I don’t think this law will make people more sexually responsible either if anything it will only increase the likelihood of women dying from having back ally abortion procedures GOD FORBID, but that is just the reality of it. Sex is natural, most living creatures have sex. This law is not going to have people thinking “oh abortion is illegal now I shouldn’t get pregnant” or “I shouldn’t get this girl pregnant” this law is only going to add an IF to the end of the conversation. “Abortion is illegal now so IF I get pregnant I’ll just…” just like my family’s threats and scare tactics never stopped me or the generations before me from having sex or babies, just will work harder to find creative ways around the consequences. So in conclusion I’m neither ProLIFE or ProCHOICE, I’m human and I say do what’s best fro you, make the best decisions for you and your life. And if you choose to become responsible for the life of a tiny human make the best choices for their life.


Do you feel infidelity is something you can come back from?

Personally I’ve forgiven boyfriends in the past for those kinds of acts of disrespect but in the future I could never see me accepting that bullshit again. It left me with a deep insecurity and a lot of self doubt. Then I found myself in the complex position of figuring out whether or not I stayed out of love and forgiveness or simply because I couldn’t “lose him to her”. I had to feel like I won, if I was going to leave a man it was going to be on my own terms and not cause “she” took him. Thank God for my growth cause the days of being the “stay down” are over. Never again will I compromise myself for the sake of continuing to share space with someone who didn’t care about losing me. NO cheating is not apart of the “ups and downs” in a relationship. NO you are not abandoning that man by leaving him like everyone else did YOU ARE HOLDING HIM ACCOUNTABLE for mistreating you and disrespecting the relationship. SO simply put yeah you could stay after infidelity but you never feel the same, your never quite as comfortable or as eager to speak good about your partner. Constantly wondering whose going to come to you with a story or screenshot, what bitch you’ll have to fight next on;y to go home and lay up with the same dog that gave them the opportunity to laugh at you in the first place…naw I’m good. Cheat on me and I’m gone, I ain’t fighting nobody, I ain’t proving my position…I’m gone and that’s it.